In the second-ever edition of The NXT Wrestling Fan, Miles and MeganBob explore the NXT show that originally aired on May 29th, 2013!

In this episode:

It’s a country bear jamboree! Luke Harper and Erick Rowan, the NXT Tag Team Champions, are in action this week as we go over the basics of tag team wrestling! Luke Harper is on the left, by the way. Bob likes him best because he has a weird smile and goes “yeah yeah yeah YEAH YEAH!” Note the jobbers in the background; they are about to die.

Here you can see the tag rope hanging from one of the corners of the ring. Wrestlers in a tag team match must be holding this rope to tag into the match, though this rule is occasionally forgotten.

Speaking of making a tag, this is what it typically looks like!

As you can see here, Sawyer Fulton’s trunks are, for unknown reasons, decorated with a pastoral mountain scene. Let the Buttwatch begin!

Also he’s getting kicked in the face by Harper, who looks like he’s about to defeat Johnny to win the All-Valley Karate Championship tournament.

Stephanie McMahon debuts the brand new NXT Women’s Championship! The NXT women’s division will spend the next several years resurrecting the concept of women’s wrestling in WWE, and the McMahon family will spend the next several years after that claiming every conceivable ounce of credit for it.

Emma in the throes of her own special dance, which Bob describes as “throat-chopping the air on either side of her.”

Bob finds this match “hella-fucky.” No idea what she’s talking about. Note the bizarre lace boob patch that Audrie Marie is sporting.

This “interlocked reverse ouroboros of flesh” is the last we’ll see of Audrey Marie in NXT. Ding ding ding.

Garrett Dylan (son of Kris Kristofferson) drinks barbecue sauce (hopefully not poisoned by Jim Ross) while Scott Dawson flosses before their match. Like you do.

The whole team together, including their extremely greasy manager, Sylvester LeFort.

A bit of a blurry image, but here’s Dylan flying into the shot out of nowhere, prepared to land directly on his own ass. FOR VICTORY.

Derrick Bateman, non-verbally informing the audience that he is on his way out.

Please welcome your NXT Champion, the master of the five count, Big E Langston!

And please welcome his finishing move, the Big Ending! Love Bateman’s face in this shot. I certainly hope there isn’t another shot where he makes an even better terrified face because Big E is giving him the same move again.

Oh shit.

This is what a battle royal looks like before anyone has been eliminated! Note the massive, beautiful Welsh pony in the foreground, grinding his foot into Rusev’s neck.

Mason Ryan military pressing Sami Zayn out of the ring and onto a bunch of people we’re never going to see again. Ryan himself will be eliminated shortly after this, causing Bob to experience her first moment of true wrestling heartbreak.

The most important piece of grammar in a battle royal is that to be eliminated, both feet must touch the floor. This leads to many moments like this one, where a wrestler desperately hangs from the top rope, trying to keep his feet elevated and stay in the contest.

Here’s another blurry photo (sorry, the WWE Network’s new format makes screenshotting much more difficult) illustrating a general piece of wrestling grammar: “Getting the knees up.” Adrian Neville has performed a flying move off the top rope, but Bo Dallas gets his knees up, causing Neville to take damage instead of Dallas.

As a result, Bo Dallas wins the battle royal and is your new #1 contender for the NXT Championship, meaning he gets the next shot at Big E Langston’s title. We learn lots about championships in this episode!

Incidentally, Bo Dallas and Bray Wyatt are brothers in real life, and the sons of a famous wrestler named Mike Rotunda. Here you see Bray on the left, Bo on the right, and their dad, Mike, in the middle, portraying one of his most famous characters, Irwin R. Schyster.

Basically a jobber squash.

Noted barbecue sauce poisoner Jim Ross.

Miles’ initial reaction to the news of NXT becoming a two-hour live show on the USA Network. Many more opinions contained within!

By the way, that is, in fact, our music! It’s called “Learnbuckle” and it was created by the uniquely talented Rafael Medina, whose work you can and should follow via his Twitter account, @EarthMeauxFaux! You can also follow Miles @mjschneiderman, MeganBob @meganbobness, and the show itself @nxtwrestlingfan, or visit www.nxtwrestlingfan.com

Additional music and sound credit to:

“Almost Bliss”, “Eyes Gone Wrong”, “Greta Sting”, “NewsSting”, “Samba Stings”
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/